Yesterday he saw me at my weakest point. Landon experienced an anxiety-crying attack. We had a rough day full of passive aggressiveness towards each other. Eventually, I just popped and began crying, very loudly. He comforted me in my car until I stopped crying. He cried a bit as well from just seeing me upset. I was crying because I didn’t want to lose him, and this was the first instance in which I felt him slip away from me. I feel as if this is the first time that I am actually in love. In the past it has all just been youthful, puppy-dog love where I love anything that gives me compliments and attention. But this, this is different. With this I am not afraid to show weakness, not desired to lie about where I’ve been, hell I even take my makeup off when I’m with him. I see the way he is with Nala and I sometimes daydream about having children with him one day. About how he would be since he is so nurturing with me. I sit here typing with happy tears in my eyes because for once in my life I am in a relationship where the love is mutual. Where someone actually cares equally back for me. Yesterday when all of our plans ended up being trashed, he stopped me and said “every day that I get to spend with you is a great day, even if we do nothing” and that just meant the world to me. I always spend so much effort and time to perfect things to impress the people I care about. Going above and beyond. And this is finally someone who enjoys the downtimes just as much as the highest peaks. I still haven’t told him that I love him. It’s eating me alive. I just haven’t found the right moment. I want to make it count.

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