How I’ve Been For a Month

This has been one of the hardest months of my life. Erik slow-fading me really broke my heart. As a result I started hating on myself. I believe that this break-up brought all of the pain from Hale and Erik to fruition. I began binge eating a lot to cope with finally being alone after over a year and a half. I ate an entire pie, lots of cookies, gallons of ice cream. I would drive late into the night just to try and clear my mind. I still think of him here and there. Especially right before I fall asleep at night and I am laying alone in the dark in my bed. This was rock bottom. I hit it hard. I gained 7-8 lbs.

So now I have recognized it. I realize that I am alone here. And I need to be alone for awhile. Not alone as in sulking in loneliness, but alone as in comfortable with being with myself. I have gone on a few dates with some guys, but none that really won me over. I feel like I need to date myself for a bit before I keep clinging from relationship to relationship. So now I am working out more, eating better, and learning to love myself. I still face binging urges, but I am trying to focus my binge desires on healthier options. It has been one week and I am slowly getting better, even though it is not as comforting. This is just going to take hard work and time to get back into my healthy routine. At this point, I am willing to put the time in to fix myself.

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