As I read back my old posts, all I see is someone who isn’t myself. I have spent an entire year trying to cover up my feelings and be someone who I am not. Tonight, I have found my independence. I do not trust Hale. It has been 9 months now and I have tried tirelessly, but I do not trust him. It doesn’t help that I found text messages between him flirting with another chick. I am tired of being hurt. Tired of being docile in this relationship.
Tonight, I put all of our pictures in a folder so I can copy it onto 2 flash drives, one for each of us. As I was doing that, I started getting upset, questioning whether or not this was what I really wanted. While I was crying, Hale hugged me and then got his stuff and left. He has been gone for 3 hours now. Whenever I get upset he looks at me as if I am disappointing him. As he was gone, I went through the rest of my pictures and saw highlights of when I was a speaker at several events, graduating, and fun times with my friends. After the cheating, I realized that these fun times stopped. My album was just filled with pictures of him as if I was trying to fill a void.
In the next few weeks, I think I will be breaking up with him. I really do love him. And I believe that I always will, but I don’t trust him. I am so young and I do not want to be tied down to something that is in the long haul hurting me just because we have been together for so long.