Why is this happening to me?

I have been bitten by the insecurity bug and I fucking hate it. I haven’t been insecure about truly anything (except maybe my skin) for years now. Yet, all of a sudden I am comparing myself to other girls. “Oh, I don’t have this or I don’t have that.” “I’m not womanly because I don’t have this.” “Mine isn’t like that so I need to fix this.” Consistently criticizing myself. For example, today in a fitting room at the mall I saw myself in a full-length mirror for the first time in a very long time. We only have vanity mirrors in the dorm. While looking at my body, I couldn’t help but stare at these two large veins starting from my hips down to my mid-thigh. I could see the deep blue branches of the veins through my fair skin. I wanted to punch the mirror.

My skin is extremely fair and I have grown to truly love it. It has been accepted as pure beauty in many nations (all except my own), but seeing this made me want to change everything. I don’t want to feel this way about myself, but I cannot help it. I have been infected with insecurity. Hale denies all of my insecurities and tries to help me through it. This is a personal battle that I truly need to get over.


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