I am slowing killing myself.

Why do fears control us so much? A single thought takes over our entire mind and ruins everything.

Today we are dissecting a fetal pig in biology lab. May not seem like much, but my anxiety is  through the roof. I’m even skipping my biology lecture today because I’m too afraid I’ll get dizzy in class when talking about blood. This is such a hard topic for me and it really diminishes my confidence when I shy away from important things because of a fear. Even my skin is starting to break out again from the stress of it all and I haven’t broken out in almost a year! So this also affects my self-confidence and makes me question if I’m going into the right field or not.

I cannot help it, though. I cannot help that I went through a rough, hospitalized childhood which left me with emotional scars. This is just a natural response for me. It’s so frustrating that I feel like breaking down and crying over it. I enjoy learning about this stuff and want to, but my mind is too powerful and doesn’t allow me to partake in the joy. I just sit there, fearful and dizzy, while someone else takes my opportunity. I need to change.

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