“I don’t know”

Good news! I am officially moving into my very own apartment in the fall! I will also be subleasing one over the summer. I am very excited to move in. Moreover excited to buy my own plates, dishes, and curtains. That may sound extremely weird, but I finally get a chance to buy things that are my own and not someone else’s.

Although, with the good news there also comes some bad news. Not much, but life wouldn’t be true without some bad news. Since Hale will be leaving in a year, I asked him if he would want to do long distance. And he replied with a statement that broke my heart right there: “I don’t know.” Instantly, I broke down into tears. Right there. You don’t know? For me, the answer is completely yes. I love you and see a future with you, thus I want to expand our relationship despite the miles. But you don’t know? Are you just going to stop talking to me once you leave and have your own “freedom”? So I asked him all of these questions and he began to cry as well. He held me and said that he will do whatever it takes and the distance doesn’t matter.

Yet, I have been thinking about this for awhile now. He has allured to the idea of “his own life” in a few conversations. “Independence”. Pretty much summing up, he wants to live the single life, yet still love me and have me on the side for convenience. Personally, I’m starting to “not know” now because for me, our love is endless and I see a promising future with him. I don’t have a bit of doubt. But why does he have doubt? I need him to discover himself and give me answers soon.

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