I trust a stranger more than my mother.

This has been a whirlwind of a week. I feel like this week has actually been a year long. I persuaded my parents to let me get an apartment, which was not an easy win. Hale and I are planning on most likely getting separate apartments and then spending most of the time in each others. Yet, right after I got the ok from my parents, he wasn’t excited and moreover nervous. So we had a crying discussion in which he explained how he has a lot on his mind too and now is going to factor me into his decision. The next day we went and looked at places and he signed for an apartment. Once we got back there were a million things swirling through both of our minds. Thus, I brought up a conversation about our future together. I wanted to make sure that before we took this leap we were both in this together for the long haul. We both cried heavily while discussing since we both have a long road ahead of us, but do want to spend it together.

Then the next day the atom bomb exploded. As Hale and I were “getting funky it with it” I had an extreme pain in my lower abdomen and had to stop immediately. The following morning I went to the clinic to get it checked out thinking it was just a UTI and after a urinalysis it showed I was peeing out blood. So the nurse instantly completed a pap smear and told me that I am torn up all on the inside. I was frightened instantly. I told the nurse everything and have told my own mother nothing. That night, I was so overwhelming with Organic Chemistry studying, my health, my relationship, my family matter, that I just let it all loose on Hale. And he comforted me and gave me pretty good advice.

I’m just scared. No– I’m terrified. Terrified of my exam tomorrow. Terrified of living in an apartment. Terrified of the unknown health issues. Terrified. Hale also has all of these girls who he is friends with in his classes. I know it seems dumb, but if you knew his personality you would understand. On one hand, I want to say no, stop. But on the other that would make me sound crazy. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Everything is too much at once.

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