I am getting deeper into the current semester and can already tell it is going to be a doozy. Organic chemistry is definitely going to bring some challenges. Biology 2 may be hard, but I’m just nervous about the anatomy portion. I still get kind of woozy with graphic anatomy, but I can only hope that I will focus on the science related side of everything My other Anthropology classes are relatively easy. It sometimes seems that the easier it is the more I second guess myself and do worse somehow. Makes zero sense.
Hale and I seem to have finally made it over the hill from overcoming everything. My roommate is gone and so he has “moved in” with me. We sleep together in each others’ arms every night. I don’t feel the daily pain anymore. Every now and again I will be reminded of a time. And if I doubt anything then I will just snag his phone and go through it really quickly.
The only thing I worry is that in the next few years we are going to be going separate ways. He will be going to dental school and I will still be working my way up to there. I don’t want to leave him. In fact, I have lost my desire to leave him which I had earlier. I’m starting to really see a future with him.
Before the cheating, I could never really see myself in the future with him. It seemed to arbitrary. We weren’t even that close in our relationship. I would still sleep in my makeup because I was insecure about him seeing me without it because I didn’t think we were at that “level”. But now, every night I sleep without makeup. We’ve done it without me wearing makeup and he still finds me sexy and beautiful. This may seem insignificant to some people, but I have always been very insecure about the marks and bruises on my skin and body. So unmasking myself to the purest form is something I have never done before in front of someone. Until him. He doesn’t even look at me differently.
I have read of people who are struggling with intimacy and passion around 10 months. That during this time people begin fizzle out as the one-year is approaching. But ours is different. Maybe it’s the cheating. Maybe it’s the atmosphere. We aren’t drying up. With Valentine’s Day approaching I want to do something nice for him. I was thinking a cheesy candle lit dinner in the middle of the dorm with a blanket as the table cloth and cook something, but I also want him to do something nice for me. Might sound selfish, but sometimes I just want a little lovey pampering.