I am currently on break and my anxiety is running rampant. I hate not seeing Hale. It makes my mind run a million miles a minute of negative possibilities. He is totally free to do whatever and it’s hard for me since the last holiday break he was cheating. We still text, but even when we texted before that doesn’t stop him from messaging other girls.
We both got each other Christmas gifts and will be exchanging them on Wednesday since we won’t see each other on Christmas day or Eve. I have been really excited for Wednesday, but I just don’t know anymore. The anxiety is overtaking me. Especially now that our schedules are completely different in spring semester and I won’t see him much. He’s also got a whole new wardrobe that he will be dressing up in next semester and it’s just hard for me. It may seem stupid or immature, but it is hard. I have truly picked myself up from the grave. And now I can only run on trust. That’s the worse part.
How do I run on trust when I still don’t have any with him? Who is he dressing up for next semester when he won’t even see me? Why isn’t he texting me back? Did he go visit that one girl that he cheated on me with who wanted to hang out over break? Who was texting him last night during our FaceTime call at 12:30 am? Why is he sending me weird messages? Why? Why? Why….
These are the questions that my anxiety makes me plague my mind. It is ruining my relationship and myself. I don’t think I will be able to make it through spring semester.