Complain Train

You know you complain to much when your own boyfriend offers to buy you something in order to stop complaining so much. Haha! I have to admit I have been a bit cynical lately. I believe that it stems from the fact that I put my new college experience at such a high level and threw so many expectations its way that now I am left empty handed. The fact that I didn’t come into this school with a full-length plan is truly showing since I may have to stay here for an extra semester which will put me at an undesirable point for graduate school. Hale has recently decided that he is going to follow the same track as me. I am overjoyed that he has decided to pursue the same graduate studies as I am since we will be in each other’s company for longer, but it also gives me a bit of anxiety. There are only 93 spots out of thousands who apply for our graduate studies. He’s a stronger applicant than me. He has a stronger story than me and is way more ahead in his curriculum. I fear that he is going to get in and I won’t. Or that we will be separated and end up going to different schools. This would shatter my heart. He feels the pressure as well and this morning explained how he is going to want to do mission trips for 6-month intervals after graduate school and would be doing them for several years. I would want to do these mission trips with him and for my own career development, but not years and years of it. Eventually, I would desire to open up my own practice, yet that would only separate us more.

For now, I am going to live in the moment. These stressful scenarios are all possibilities, but they aren’t happening now. I have at least two years before any of us have to make crucial decisions. We are just going to enjoy every single day that we have together now and I promise to not complain as much!

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