I’m Tired of Hiding

This has been a very trying week for me as I prepare to go on my way in 6 days. There have been extremely high highs, and unfortunate deep low lows. One of the highest highs was that I somewhat met his mom today. She came into our private ballroom dancing lesson and observed. I never said two words to her, but once he went back to visit her after I left he said that she was pretty impressed with my actions and how I held myself in a room. She has been consistently asking him about me throughout the week. Getting a good impression from her was definitely a must and it feels absolutely amazing to know that everything worked out well. The lows have stemmed from my confidence that has been receding into the negative range. My physical goals have not been met for where I wanted to be before I leave. My skin is an absolute mess which is troubling me considering I’m on birth control. It is truly my biggest insecurity and I feel so embarrassed. Even in front of Hale sometimes. He’s seen me without makeup and still compliments me, but I just have a difficult time seeing what he sees. I understand life has such a stronger meaning other than vanity, but within a few days I’m going to have to be seeing an entire floor of people without my makeup on and masking my face. I honestly feel jealous when I see people with perfect skin. It makes me what to curl up into a ball and hide from humanity. This probably sounds ridiculous and vain considering I have so much to be thankful for in my life and am truly blessed beyond compare. It’s just hard to realize these blessings when your confidence is at -485.

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