Are We Ready For This?

When I think of my future, I can’t picture a life without him, yet it is all still blurry.

I told him that I would be sleeping over again on Friday after we go to the club. I am thinking of fully devoting myself to him that night. I have learned that I can only accept his sexual past since I cannot change it, yet it has been somewhat difficult. There’s not a problem about his past only that it bred insecurity inside of me because of my minuscule past. We have been dating for almost 4 months now and I truly feel like I love this man. It’s something I’ve never felt before and I do feel like we are past the infatuation phase of the relationship and I still desire him every passing day. Hale doesn’t just talk about his love for me, but he shows it in different ways. His eyes, his touch, his energy. He will be coming over to my place for the rest of the week and I think these will be the deciding factors on Friday.

The only factor that I fear by fully committing on Friday is that everything will become based on sex. Yeah, it’s great, but it doesn’t solely fill up my love tank reserves. A viable relationship is composed of equal parts sex and utter love. If the sex controls the relationship then it’s just two sweaty bodies grinding. No connection. That is my greatest fear with this, but fully committing could be the final connection for us to reach. Yet, why should sex be held up this high on a pedestal? That’s all it truly is is bumping and grinding in the dark. We’ve done the hard part of opening up and allowing love to possess our hearts. Sex is just a side effect.

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