So last night I ended up going out. Hailey came over early and then Hale and his friend came over shortly after. Once Julia showed up, we ran out. We first went to dinner and then the club. At dinner, I mainly chatted with Julia just to catch up. I haven’t seen her in over a year and we had a lot to chat about. Once at the club, I sorta began to regret coming. It was 10 people on a small dance floor all in cowboy boots. It didn’t fill up throughout the night, but we still danced. Towards the end, I was talking with some guy who looked like he had to be 22. Hale danced with a 45 year old woman which was weird. Our relationship has quite evolved. It went through this odd romantic phase and then out of it, yet he brings me a gift for my birthday, but then dances with every moving creature in the club, yet has to be on my side in every single picture that is ever taken with us. So I don’t know what we are. There are times where I am mentally (not physically) attracted to him, but then there are times when I just feel like we should stay good friends.
Through this process with him, I have truly found out my inner stigma against relationships. Whenever guys begin to display affection towards me, I back away. I usually cut them off at the knees at that point. I think this is due to my bad relationships in the past, but it is holding me back. It’s like I want love, but I can’t accept it.