The World On My Shoulders

I am supposed to be studying for my U.S. Government DBQ, but am fighting an anxiety attack. These past 2 weeks have been from Hell. I feel like they have been dragged out and have lasted years. Tomorrow is the big day: I am shadowing at a Trauma Unit. Not just some simple unit. The largest hospital in the circling counties. And, OF COURSE, I overheard that we are going to be brought in to watch emergency surgery and all the procedures. I am so anxious and nervous and just scared that my body will go into pre-syncope. I am praying that I remain calm and don’t pass out. The past few weeks have been great “tests” to help me desensitize, but I don’t know if I am ready to dive in head-first. To other people, this is a walk in the park. But the fact that I feel faint at these sights and smells is making me question my future career path. Is this what I want? Or is parental pressure weighing into my plans more than my own interests? I have been having chest pains and betrayal from my facial skin from my high stress lately. My heart has nearly exploded from going from high to low 5 times a day. The nausea, headaches, and all that jazz also accompany my nerves. I know I shouldn’t be asking “Why me?” considering I have millions of things to be grateful for, but why me? I know to some I seem to be playing the pity game, but it just always seems like I have to work 500x harder than everyone just to stay at an average level.

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